It’s the law
(or, How to Get Married in Australia)
Getting married is all about love, togetherness, shared dreams for the future and a life together based on a great connection. But, it’s also about the law. In this blog post, I take you through all the legal stuff required for a wedding - and weed out all the stuff that isn’t actually required to make you married. Marriage law is the same whether you live in Victoria, New South Wales, Queensland, the A.C.T, NT, South Australia, Tasmania or WA.
In my conversations with couples, as we plan their big day and work on the details of their wedding ceremony, it comes up often that y’all don’t quite know what is and isn’t required for a wedding ceremony to be legit. I blame films. I also blame films for the disturbingly inaccurate view people have of how a violin is played, but that is neither here nor there. Let’s move on. No seriously, Yolande, you need to move on.
Ok! Let’s begin with some of the myths!
**(Be sure to scroll all the way to the end where I consolidate the basic legal requirements + all the paperwork you’ll do. OMG FUN) **
MYTH #1 - You can just go get married right now, if the feeling so takes you!
Spontaneity, be damned! The law in Australia says you need at least one calendar month’s notice, in writing with witnessed signatures and ID shown, before you can legally marry. I think of it as a cooling-off period between engagement and marriage. I know it’s not so romantic but them be the rules. And marriage is a very big, very serious commitment to make with someone. Having at least a month to think on it is pretty wise.
There are some exceptions to this rule and you’ll need your celebrant to help you apply to the registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages in your state for a Shortening of Time to get married sooner.
MYTH #2 - Saying “I do” is what makes you married
Straight up, this is a nope. There’s not enough clarity in that for it to be a legal declaration. In movies, the officiant says “do you take this man to be your blah blah blah” and the other party says “I do” and that’s all. Not in the real world of Australian law, baby (more on this later). Furthermore, you don’t have to say I do.
Similarly, you don’t have to exchange rings. It’s nice, for sure, but it has absolutely no legal standing.
The upshot? You can have the I do and ring exchange sections in your ceremony but you don’t have to.
MYTH #3 - You can get away with not saying anything (or just saying “I do” - see above)
To all my nervous babes out there, I’m sorry to say this but you do have to speak at your wedding ceremony. This is what you have to say.
I call upon the persons here present to witness that I, A.B. (or C.D.), take thee, C.D. (or A.B.), to be my lawful wedded wife (husband or spouse)...
We can make that sound less ye olde (there are minor ways we can amend this legal wording, so long as it fits within the legal paramters) and we can also jazz it up with something nice about your beloved. You can get away with saying about 3 sentences and have it not be crap. Here’s how I would do it:
I ask the people present to witness that I, Bermuda Therese Franklin, take you, Froggerty Terrence McBain, to be my lawful wedded husband. I promise to love you in good times and bad and continue dreaming up our crazy dreams together. You are the chalk to my cheese, the apple to my orange; my sun, my moon and my stars.
MYTH #4 - You can plan a surprise wedding for your partner.
No way, Jose. As a celebrant, I am responsible for checking that the clear consent of the both of you. A surprise wedding means only one person’s consent has not been obtained and confirmed by the celebrant. Also, there’s a fair bit of paperwork to be done ahead of the ceremony so there’s quite literally no legal way to do it. A surprise for all your guests, though? ABSOTOOTLY!
Later on I’ll walk you through all the paperwork you’ll do (or, if booking with me, have done for you by your celebrant. cheeky)
MYTH #5 - You can secretly get married and then do another marriage ceremony with your guests
Does this seem oddly specific? It happens more than you’d think. People’s circumstances may dictate that they get married in a legal way quite quickly (see Myth #1) and they might want to still have their celebrations with all their guests at a later date. Or they might have had their legals on a holiday overseas and decided to party back home with everyone.
Listen, you can still have that celebration. But! You have to careful about how you do it. Absolutely, you can invite your guests to your “wedding” and you can hide your legal marriage from them until the ceremony begins. Everything can be made to look and feel just like a wedding. However, the celebrant is required, by law, to make it unmistakable that, though the ceremony is a celebration of love and togetherness, it is not the beginning of the marriage. Here’s how I would do it:
“Friends and family, welcome to the celebration of the century. You’re gathered here to celebrate Mark and James as they declare their undying love for each other. And I know, just by looking at your enthusiastic, joyful faces, that you would turn up and celebrate them if it was a simply an anniversary party. Frankly, I get the sense from some of you, that you’d be here to party if only to celebrate that Mark and James remembered it was a both bins night. So, I know you’ll all be ok with learning a little secret about your mates up here at the front. I can happily tell you that, about three months ago under an August moon and with just their beloved parents, who were visiting from the UK, Mark and James became husbands. For that, I would like you to please give up an enormous round of applause.
And now, with no less fanfare, we are going to celebrate everything that makes these two such a beautiful couple. And yes, Aunty June, there will still be rings, I dos, vows and a cake later. But as your designated legal eagle, I have to be sure you know that the marriage is already made and today is all about the memories. Ok, let’s crack on!”
What myths have I missed?
Alright, let’s now look at some of the basics for making a wedding legal:
Who/what do you need to be?
a consenting adult who understands what marriage is
not married to anyone else (not accusing you of bigamy but, if you were previously married the divorce certificate or death certificate will need to be shown to your celebrant)
on Australian soil for the ceremony
not related to your partner as their parent, grandparent, child, grandchild or sibling
What needs to be said?
The celebrant needs to say this stuff:
My name is ******** and I am duly authorised by law to solemnise marriages according to law.
Before you are married in my presence and the presence of these witnesses, I am to remind you of the solemn and binding nature of the relationship into which you are now about to enter. Marriage, according to law in Australia, is the union of two people, to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life.
You need to say this, remembering that we can soften it a bit:
I call upon the persons here present to witness that I, A.B. (or C.D.), take thee, C.D. (or A.B.), to be my lawful wedded wife (husband or spouse)...
Everything else is happy, sweet decoration.
Orright, what about paperwork?
Yep, you’ve got to do a bit. If you’re my client I’ll ask you to give me your info and I’ll turn it into documents.
In the beginning, you’ll be issued with this little doc on what to expect in marriage - Happily Ever Before and After.
Then you’ll need to sign one of these (Notice of Intended Marriage) and you’ll need to sign it on front of a witness. A qualified one (page 4 lists the approved witnesses). If you’re booked with me, this one will already be filled in for you to sign.
Just before your ceremony, usually on the day, you’ll sign the Declaration of No Legal Impediment to Marriage which confirms your details and says you’re able to marry (you’re over 18 and not married to anybody else, as well as all the other stuff I mentioned earlier). Your celebrant must be your witness.
After you are married (sometimes while guests are still seated or maybe a few minutes after hugs and congratulations) you, your celebrant and two adult witnesses will sign 3 x certificates, one of which you will keep. This is the pretty one with nice calligraphy and the Australian coat of arms. The other two are strictly for legal purposes and go home with your celebrant, who is tasked with keeping them safely stored.
When I conduct weddings, I go home and register the marriage (also applying for the certificate on your behalf) within a day or so of your ceremony.
So, there you have it. Everything you need to know about getting married in Australia. It’s a lot and that’s why celebrants in Australia are professionals who undergo annual knowledge tests, many of whom are also in associations (I’m in The Wedding Society) which share ideas, tips, tricks and solutions to sticky legal queries.